so, i just spent $782 at Ikea. Seven HUNDRED and eightytwo dollars!
Archive for October, 2005|Monthly archive page
A week or so ago i answered an add on seattle.craigslist.com. I went by the house to see the room and meet some people. I met one, but not the one i had arranged the meeting with. He couldnt make it but one of the other people that lived there showed me around. I liked the place. it felt good to be there if that makes any sense. I left and arranged to meet the original person at a later date. I went back a day later to meet with the original person. He was just as nice and still the place felt right. But i still had not met everyone else who lived there. My friend suggested that i just keep going back and eventually they would just think i lived there. So i went back a third time yesterday to meet one more of the people who live in the house. And apparently it went well cuz they asked me to move in! I finally found a place to live. FINALLY! I have a nice size room with hardwood floors. It has two windows, and the best part is that the room is not in the basement! I finally get real light and i can grow plants, and, and and.. yay! Now i have a place to put the bed, desk, and bookshelves i intend on buying asap. yay for places to live!
For those of you that don’t know… I am black, African American, Brown person, coloured, whatever. I am a black woman. And from the time I was a little girl I was silently taught an unspoken rule/code of conduct/politeness. I was to acknowledge every other black person I passed. I was to nod in their direction as if to say “ if something goes down…I got your back”. I did this reluctantly because I felt like people would be angry if I didn’t. Later I asked my mother about it and she explained that it was important, but couldn’t really tell me why. So I nodded at every other black person I saw to silently relay the message that ‘yes I see you and if something goes down I got your back’. This of course was a complete lie. I most definitely did not have their back. I mean good god. I am a stingy human being at best, and an unreliable one more often. I can’t see myself risking my safety to protect a perfect stranger based on the fact that we are the same colour label. There are way too many reasons that that mob of people chasing you wants to beat you to a bloody pulp. Who am I to get in the middle of that?
So I moved to Europe, and because I was conditioned to nod at every brown person I saw I continued to do so unconsciously walking around the streets. But then one day I noticed something… no one nodded back. I was free. It was not a special code amongst brown people all over the land. It was simply an American thing and as I was no longer surrounded by Americans I need not nod to strangers passing by. I got used to the non-nodding. I liked it. And slowly I forgot the unspoken rule. That was until this morning. I was standing on an escalator going down. There was a African American male on the escalator going up. I was looking through the mail I had in my arms and wondering what was inside. I vaguely saw the man move his head in my direction but I was far too busy being nosey to notice. When I did look up he looked at me like I had just called his wife a whore. He said good morning in a harsh mocking tone. So I smiled said good morning and started to walk the rest of the way down the escalator. He mumbled something under his breath. So I suppose I need to go back to nodding at every brown person I pass in the streets assuring them that if something went down id have their back while I’m pondering on how fast I could run away if that mob appeared to beat them up. I know. I’m an evil human being. Sue me.
So. I have officially been searcing for somewhere to live for a month. I have gone to about 20 different places and in the end they have all said ” it was great meeting you, but we decided on someone else” Etc etc blah blah blah. I realy dont understand why this is so difficult. It was almost funny at one point, but now its both really frustrating and depressing. *sigh*
It’s raining and it’s dark. I walked back from the cinema. Halfway with company. With music blasting in my ears i tried to pretend. I am not really sure what i was pretending, but i supose it doesnt really matter as i wasnt likely to believe myself and no one else needed to be convinced. I was alone.
I have been trying to find a room to rent. Someplace i can unpack, orginize my books on a shelf. Clutter. I have seen alot of places. Rooms advertized for rent. People requesting, requiring roommates. The problem for me is that with so many students, slackers, people here they can afford to be picky.
“I wanted to thank you again for coming over to see the place yesterday. You and everyone else we interviewed seemed like good fits for the room, so it ended up being a hard decision. Sadly, after chatting last night we settled on someone else. I wish you the best of luck finding a place! Thanks again”
Again, and again, and again.