I am thankful i was not injured when my newly bought, unopened $25 bottle of pure vanilla extract spontaneously exploded spilling all 8 oz onto the kitchen table.
I am thankful that i do not get cold easily because i am too fat for my winter coat.
I am thankful for my new roommates Dominic because he can begin and end any song or statement with the word “Chihuahua”,Kyle and his disfigured misassembled multi anus-ed stuffed animal creations, Nathan because his hatred for the unrealisticness of CSI does not make me want to watch it more just to piss him off, Jeff who would keep me stocked with porn for the rest of forever if i so desired, and Tahoe(the dog) because she does anything i tell her to do.. especially if i have food in my hand.
I am thankful for obsession because it makes my life interesting, and i know you really didn’t mean it when you got that restraining order.
I am thankful for all of my friends, without you i would have no one to hug.
I am thankful for my enemies, without you i would have no one to trade off to the aliens when they take over the earth.
And most of all I am thankful for me because no one else is.