I hate our rental house. I want to say that I was really excited when we first moved in here, and for the most part I was, but I was also really angry, disappointed, and relieved. By the time we found this house we had looked at about 7 other places. Two of them were so gross i couldn’t imagine being desperate enough to live there (and at this point we were pretty desperate), 3 were further out than we wanted to live and two just weren’t right, none of them would let us have chickens (and we already had the chickens). By the time we saw this place we were pretty desperate and deflated, after all, we were supposed to have been moving into our own house not paying to live in someone else’s. And by the time we viewed this house i was just happy someone was willing to let us have chickens, reluctantly, but still they would be permitted. The house itself is in good enough shape on the inside, and its only after long term viewing that you notice all the things that need fixing on the outside. That being said.. i hate this house.
It’s not that there is anything actually “wrong” with the house. It just isn’t what i want my house to be like. For a year i have resisted the urge to take a sledge hammer to the kitchen, knock down the dinning room wall, retile the bathroom.. to take out all the things i find annoying and replace them with awesome. I have calmed myself by removing the cabinet doors in the kitchen to make it appear more open, and i have rearranged everything that can be moved in there at least 5 times already. I keep trying to find the piece of furniture that would make the rooms “just right”, but it seems i have just been making things more crowded. I have to face it, no matter what i do to make this place “more right” it will always be just all wrong. So i have decided to call a truce.
I promise to stop mumbling under my breath that its not living up to its potential, i will stop telling it it keeps misusing its space, and in return the house promises to keep being disappointing.. after all its a house, it can’t really change on its own. I find myself staying up late longingly looking at houses for sale here, and afar. Houses we have no hope of ever affording in cities we will most likely never move to. I might be setting myself up for future disappointment, but for now it’s keeping me distracted.